I need your opinion please.

Do you ever feel like you have so many topics you want to cover, you're bursting? The problem is none of these topics are related?

Friday is the perfect day to talk about:

1). Why are kids in my neighborhood, (southern California) scared of saying "hello" to me? Do I look like a scary monster?



After being greeted with warm smiles and love in the eyes of Mayan children in Belize, it always shocks me how young kids in my neighborhood ride their bikes on the sidewalk and refuse to make eye contact. Have we brainwashed our kids to believe that they must NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT? NEVER SAY HELLO TO A STRANGER, EVEN A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN? NEVER EVEN LOOK IN THEIR DIRECTION? If so, our society is dying. I can't believe how parents in my neighborhood, one of the ten safest cities in the U.S. have made their kids so AFRAID of human contact, that they cannot even say "Morning," to a middle-aged woman like me, and yet the Mayan kids came running up with amazing smiles to a bunch of women.

2). Why do couples end up color coordinated?


Often, my husband and I will end up wearing the same color shirt, without even seeing what the other person put on. Does this happen to you?

3). Have you ever thought about how you and your spouse will end up in your 80's? I want to be like the straw hat elderly couple walking in my neighborhood when I grow up.



Nearly every morning as I head to the gym, I see an elderly couple holding hands, wearing the same color jacket and straw hat. Even though the sun is asleep, they still wear their golden straw hats. I saw their faces for the first time last week and thought, "That's what I'm looking forward to being at their age: happy, smiley, full of energy and kindness."

4). What chemicals are pumped into my Thanksgiving turkey that I'm not aware of?


"Americans remain largely oblivious to the intrusions of the pharmaceutical industry into our kitchens. Across the pond, however, the Europeans are wising up."

5). We have to HURRY and get our revisions done before Oprah quits her show on September 9th, 2011? What a shock, but then again, Oprah needs to enjoy her life. Who can blame her?

I know they are totally unrelated, but I can't help it. Topics pop into my mind constantly.Please comment on whatever.

A souvenir from Belize. A worm in my toe.

A PICTURE OF MY TOE IN BELIZE

I woke up on Sunday October 18th, and noticed something different about the skin on my right foot. It had the texture of a jelly fish: squishy and inflamed.

It was our last morning in Hopkins Village after a week of volunteering in the Mayan Village of Red Bank.

During breakfast, I raised my foot above the table and pointed, "Look at this," to all eleven nurses from our group. All eyes were staring at my foot, and at that moment, I relished the attention, like a woman showing off her engagement ring.

The nurses took a brief look and asked me, "What's that?"

Since no one came up with an answer, I ignored my foot as much as possible, until I noticed bubbles mounting to the surface of one toe.

The nurses returned to California, while I flew to Ambergris Caye, to revisit the island where our family lived for one year. My husband met me there for a few vacation days.

Back on the island, I recognized expats driving around in their golf carts. Duke and I decided to have a drink at the Palapa Bar, a famous bar hovering over the Caribbean where you can look down at schools of fish. I saw nurse Laura sitting on a barstool chit-chatting with another couple. Their eyes were full of hope and excitement about the possibilities of living on the island. They asked Laura the same questions Duke and I had asked when we also fell in love with Ambergris Caye, in 2003. 

Now was my chance to get help for my toe. I pulled my foot out of my flip-flop and stuck it under Laura's face. "Remember me?" I said.

"You're Sonia right?" she said.

"Yes."

"What do you think this is?" I asked, as though no time had gone by since our last neighborhood watch meeting at the Palapa Bar, on Saturdays. 

"A worm," she said. "You need six Mintezol pills, two a day for three days."

"Any side-effects?" I asked.

"Not really. If you get a few extra pills, you can crush half a pill, mix it with a few drops of water and stir into a paste. Rub the paste directly onto the skin. Ask the pharmacy in town. They have Mintezol."

Relieved but freaked out to have a worm in my toe, Duke and I drove our electric golf cart to town. I wanted to kill the worm immediately. What if there were several worms reproducing inside my toe and they started crawling around my body? I had visions of tape worms and never getting rid of them. 

Duke stopped the golf cart at a local pharmacy. I'd forgotten how easy it was to get certain medication without a prescription. The sales lady picked up a large white plastic container and scooped out 8 pills; two extra for crushing.

"That's 25 cents a pill," she said.

I gave her $2.00 Belize dollars, which is the equivalent of $1.00 U.S. dollar.

The pills had horrible side effects. I had nausea and dizziness and almost refused to take the last two, but Duke forced me to. Besides, I didn't just want to half-kill the worm; I wanted to slaughter it.

On the fourth day, I stood in my shower back in California and screamed with joy and disgust.

"Duke I just gave birth to a few worms."

The skin popped open and I performed a mini C-section of my toe.

No more babies or worms for me, at least I hope not.

Have any of you had this experience from your travels?
Have you tried Mintezol? What was it like for you?

How parenting affects children.

"I had tried and tried to get them to see me. If I wasn't an accident, if my mother was telling me the truth, wasn't this worse? If I wasn't an accident, mustn't I be a crushing disappointment? My father couldn't bear to be with me. It was as if to do so, caused him more physical pain than all his ailments combined and my mother lived in exile within her own mind, devoted only to the past."

After hearing Augusten Burroughs read this paragraph from his book, A Wolf at the Table, my thoughts turned to how we all carry baggage with us into adulthood based on how we were raised.

Some of us, myself included, were fortunate to receive unconditional love at home. Others were not that fortunate during their childhood.

In his book, Augusten Burroughs put me in the skin of a small boy longing for unconditional love from a parent. He is so brutally honest as he talks about the "unspeakably terrifying relationship between father and son."

This lead me to do a search on how parenting affects children. I found a simple graphic on Dr. Phil's website which I copied below.



He has a quiz which allows you to identify your parenting style. I did one section for fun, and actually scored higher than the highest score mentioned for that section. You might be wondering which one? A description of each style of parenting is also given at the bottom of the quiz. Most of us probably fit into several categories, although when I look at my three sons, I can quite clearly pin-point which category they fit in.

My blogger friend Jennifer Fink, focuses on raising boys. I always find useful information on her site.

How about you? Anything you want to share about your childhood, your style of parenting, or parenting in general?

Why is your book unique? Why would anyone want to read it?

After three days of intense workshops, lectures, practicing the pitch and several read and critiques with agents, editors and PR pros, I noticed how all workshop leaders kept asking the same three important questions: "Why is your book unique? "Why would anyone want to read it?" and "Who is your target audience?" These may sound like straightforward questions, but so many writers struggle with concise answers.

Throw in a dynamite pitch and a 25 word synopsis which you can WOW agents and editors with, and if you already have that,you're ahead of the game. Please share your pitch and/or synopsis in the comments section of my blog, if you have one you'd like to share.

One speaker said, "if you're having trouble writing a synopsis, you can always ask friends what do you think my book is about? and don't argue with them."

With 440,000 new books published in 2008, competition is very stiff, and you better know who you are--your platform-- and why the public will read your book.

Antoinette Kuritz, the founder of the La Jolla Writers conference, offered great advice on effective PR. "Books have a shelf like somewhere between yogurt and milk," which suggests the importance of starting your marketing plan and PR strategies about a year or so before your book comes out.

I think most writers would like to increase the shelf life of their book to ultra-pasteurized long-life milk.

Another tip they offered is to write articles on your topic and query magazines before your book is published. Include the article with your query, to save time waiting. I'm throwing in a mish-mash of tips, but I found this one interesting. If you're going to be interviewed for radio, stand up with your phone and walk around as your voice will come across with more expression and enthusiasm than if you sit down.

Three New York Times Bestselling authors: Jane Green, Eileen Goudge and Lisa Gardner, were not only keynote speakers, but also offered private read and critique sessions to writers. I had a wonderful chat with Jane Green after her lecture. She is such a sweet, down-to-earth lady, and shared some photos on her iPhone that she took during her interview with Hugh Grant and Harrison Ford.

I had two agent read and critiques. Both of them said they liked my story, and one in particular mentioned she found my European upbringing and parenting methods, merged with life in Orange County, and moving to another culture in Belize, very interesting in the layers and sub-themes it offers. She gave me four months to submit the manuscript. Even if nothing comes from this "experiment," I now have another goal which will force me to write a book proposal. This means a TON of work, especially around the holiday season.

Please share if you've written a book proposal. How painful was it? Apparently fiction writers are also encouraged to write a book proposal to develop a marketing and sales plan they can show publishers.

Let's not forget that although writers see the creative element, publishers are only interested in sales.

To Share or not to Share?

Because I like to think that I'm "Gutsy" and I really want to believe that "All is Good," and "It is what it is," I've decided to tell you that this weekend, I shall be attending the La Jolla Writers Conference, and I've signed up for a read and critique with two literary agents and an editor. It's about time I get some professional opinions, whether or not I have the guts to hear what they say. I'm excited and treating this as an experiment. Let's not forget the conference is at the Paradise Pointe Resort, a luxury in itself.

I like to call important things in life, "experiments." For example, when I met my husband, I responded to some personal ads in a newspaper. This was in 1986, before Internet dating, and I responded to five newspaper ads. Why? Because I knew what I was looking for in a man and I could tell from the ad, those who weren't sincere. At first, I treated all of the ads as experiments. I met the guys, had lunch and interviewed them as potential spouses, therefore I was conducting a "dating my future spouse experiment. I analyzed the results--no I'm not that cold, but I did work for Gallup Polls in Paris during my 20's preparing questionnaires--and decided that in order for a long term, lasting relationship, there had to be more than physical attraction. Intelligence and admiration were crucial in my final decision.

So what does this have to do with pitching agents and editors?
No idea, except that I shall treat this as an experiment.

I am excited, especially as I have a nice room at a resort on the beach, where the conference is taking place.

I've packed my gourmet Peet's coffee, a few filters and my half and half (cream) so I'm all prepared to meet the agents on Saturday and Sunday. Okay, I do have a bottle of Chardonnay too. Why not enjoy the resort?

Please wish me luck in my experiment. Also please share how you treat important opportunities in your life.

"Women and girls aren’t the problem; they’re the solution."

A few days ago,I had the honor of listening to Nicholas Kristof's presentation at the Newport Beach Library Foundation where I volunteer. I had recently seen him and his wife Sherly WuDunn on Oprah, talking about the need for gender equality among the world. Their recent book, Half the Sky is based on the Chinese proverb that women hold up half the sky.



Kristof and WuDunn state that, "Women and girls aren’t the problem; they’re the solution." If we make loans available to women, they are more likely to spend it on educating their kids and starting a business. Men often waste it on alcohol, prostitutes and festivities. His point is that it makes sense to invest in women.

Half the Sky is based on true stories of women and girls around the world. Kristof briefly mentioned so many aspects which he covers in the book.

1). In Liberia, West Africa, 90% of females over the age of 3, have been sexually attacked.
2). The 1780's was the peak of slavery, with 80,000 slaves imported from Africa. Today we have 800,000 slaves a year trafficked across boarders.
3). In 2004 Kristof purchased two girls from brothels in Cambodia for $150 and $200,and received receipts for them. He did this to rescue them. Problem is many girls run back to the brothel as they are addicted to meth, a way for the brothel owners to control them.
4). In India, they beat the uncooperative girls to death in front of the other girls, in the brothel.
5). In Niger, there is a one in seven chance of dying during childbirth. A 13-year-old's pelvis cannot accommodate the baby and the girl is left incontinent and often with nerve damage in her legs.

DOES AID WORK?

Kristof replied, "Some does and some doesn't. We are getting better at figuring out what to do. Health, education, micro-financing, water and nutrition aid, has had a BIG IMPACT."

Kristof mentioned other examples of what is cheap and works:
De-worming, only costs 50 cents/pill and lasts a year. By de-worming, kids are more likely to stay in schools 30 extra days/year.

Now I understand why Nurse Judy, explained how critical it was for us to give the kids in Red Bank, Belize a de-worming pill, and that the government of Belize, wants each kid to be logged into the computer system.

High school girls drop out of school because they can't handle menstruation, and can't get pads or underwear. Making these available for young girls, is another way to help them get educated.

Kristof's book is so full of stories and information that my eyes are opening globally. My one recent experience volunteering in Belize, has made me hungry to write about, and get involved with international work. Not surprising since I myself feel like a citizen of the world.

What are your thoughts on coming to the aid of women and girls around the world? Do you think this is the way to change global poverty?

Yenni, my best little friend from a Mayan Village in Belize.

I never expected to feel close to one child in particular, and this is exactly what happened to me in the Mayan village of Red Bank, Belize.

Yenni, an eleven-year-old girl, found me. I noticed her in the classroom, when I called upon all the children to follow me for their health screening. She seemed different, perhaps her assertiveness, her "tom-boy" look and the fact that she was one of the few girls who wore pants instead of a skirt, made Yenni stand out.

Yenni didn't just follow me, she studied the nurses and their treatments. She watched as they wrapped the blood pressure cuff around the arms of the kids, applied creams to infected skin and took temperatures. I could tell her brain cells had kicked into full-time absorption mode. During a restroom break--something we all tried to avoid due to pungent odors and lack of water to flush--Yenni pretended to wash her hands so she could talk to me.
"What's my name?" she asked.
I met her the day before and felt like I had to pass her quiz or she would get very upset. I often forget names but not faces, and for some reason, Yenni popped into my brain instantly.
"Yenni," I said and she looked at me like I'd just given her the best birthday gift ever.
"So what do you want to be?" I asked her.
"A doctor," she replied.
I knew it; this girl has something special.
I alerted nurse Judy Krieg to this special girl and she promised to keep an eye on her, as once in a while you come across someone outstanding, and I believe Yenni is a star. Perhaps a future nurse Judy.

An eye chart test on the children.



As nurse Judy said over and over again, "All is good," a phrase I've adopted in my own life as it has such a soothing effect on your day to day routine. Another phrase I love to hear from Judy, "It is what it is."

The younger kids showing so much affection to one another. It felt good to see that.




Angie explaining how the kids need to brush their teeth. We saw so many young kids with cracked teeth. Half of the tooth was missing.


So I have the first child I really would like to help as I believe she can make a difference in her community. Unfortunatley she doesn't have access to a computer and when I asked about mailing her letters, she looked at me not understanding what mail means. Any suggestions on how to keep in touch? Have you ever had an experience like this where you've felt like sponsoring a child?

I'm in a hotel room in Naples, Florida right now, looking at a future place to move to. Once you move around the world, you keep wanting to move; at least I do. More later.